Families who separate

There is official UK recognition that many divorcing couples are better served by not going through a costly Court process that often leaves them feeling out of control and few issues truly resolved. So most divorcing couples having to prove they have attempted to mediate before they are able to apply for a Court process. 


How do collaboration and mediation differ?

A collaborative divorce process is different from mediation in that, mediation may be offered by a trained solicitor (or other trained professional) and the mediator facilitates a couple in their decision making process, but cannot give advice. That means it's then up to individuals to then employ lawyers disconnected from the mediation process, to assess whether the agreement that has been reached is a fair one. there are fewer safeguards that individuals will seek legal or financial specialist advice and this may have an impact on people's lives years after a divorce. In a collaborative process, a couple and their family (if appropriate), are supported and advised, by a team of legal, financial, coaches or child specialists, who provide integrated support for a couple to help them achieve their goals and ensure clients control their separation or divorce process, in a cost effective and respectful way.

This is different from mediation in many ways, particularly because as professionals we spend time working as a team before, during and after we meet you, to find  solutions to help you achieve your aims as individuals and (if appropriate), within a wider family context. There will be times when I will sit in a meeting with a couple and their solicitors and financial advisor, I may also talk to a couple together or offer individual meetings to one or other, who requires more specific eduction or support. We do what's required to minimise any negative impact, so you can quickly re-assume your adult life or parenting role to re-stabilise your or the children's lives. 80% of under ten year olds who run away from home ,claim they do so because of difficulties they experience during a family divorce or with new step parents they are struggling with, this tailored service helps achieve more emotionally successful outcomes for adults and children.

While much of my family work has concentrated on, helping individuals deal with the combative style inherent in the old UK divorce process, the last five years has seen my work move towards this a more respectful and less financially and emotionally damaging way of ending relationships. Indeed I spent time in Australia shadowing how teams have developed this more integrated client centred way of assisting couples to separate or divorce. I've seen the results and am the first UK psychologist who has created a fully integrated collaborative divorce service.  

A collaborative divorce process is different as clients can choose a team approach which need not be solicitor led as in the past, but which is supported by different specialists within the team depending on what is necessary at a given point. It's an important difference to what has been available in the past as it puts you in control of the end of your relationship. Despite best intentions choosing to end your relationship in a way that is respectful of each other often feels impossible if you aren't able to talk and be understood by each other. Yet how you divorce creates the foundation stone for the next part of your life. So a team experienced in helping people overcome these hurdles will help you stay on track and reduce the time it might if you stopped speaking to each other.

There are so many stories of people going through a difficult and expensive divorce at a point when they would have faired better had they employed a team of people to give them the expert advice and support to ensure they didn't become stuck in a costly and emotionally damaging legal process. The work I do within a collaborative team will help ensure your family is protected from immediate negative affects of divorce. 


How do we minimise the negative affects of a divorce?

Over twenty years ago a family lawyer in America came up with a way to minimise the negative impact of divorce on the family as a whole by listen to the client before applying the law. He soon realised he needed emotional specialists to work with him to help create emotionally safe environments for couples going through divorce. His experience showed him that while there are legal aspects to every divorce, it was actually an emotional process with legal and financial consequences. 

Since then, Collaborative Law moved to Canada, Australia and Ireland and was introduced in the UK and other European countries five years ago. It's an alternative way of resolving communication difficulties that naturally exist during any family separation and it supports people to look to create a future that supports the needs of all members of the current family as it changes and moves on.

For those adults who have children to consider in a separation, the emotional stress involved, makes it less likely that either person, will have enough spare emotional capacity to attend to their children's additional emotional needs, whilst also going through the disruptive process of disengaging from their ex-partner. Clients often read articles on the internet about how to tell the children they are separating. These often prompt questions about how to make what they've read, relevant to their children. So we discuss what level of information to give; how and when to give it and what to do with the children in the following hours and days, including how to answer questions and when to be alert to behaviour changes verses when not to probe. As a collaborative divorce professional I help you deal with these issues. As well as facilitating the round table discussions with your legal and financial specialists, so you stay in control of how your relationship ends.

For more information about ending your relationship collaboratively:  

http://www.collaborativeplus.wordpress.com

utube collaborativeplus/www.adrianasummers.com

http://www.resolution.org.uk 

http://www.separationsolutions.co.uk

For more general information click:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk

http://www.justice.gov.uk

http://The Malignant Divorce psychologytoday.com


UK Home Office figures predict, that for every UK child born in today, 75% of them will have lived in more than one family system by the time they reach 18. (2011)

 "I've been referring collaborative and non collaborative clients to Adriana for over 10 years and will continue to do so in future. I'm always confident to make that referral knowing Adriana has first rate professional credentials coupled with a caring and supportive approach." 

M M (solicitor 2010)

20% of UK children have mental health problems in any one year. 

About 10% of these issues are happening at any one time. Mental Health Foundation